Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Tickle My Stats

I'm into Statcounter for a myriad of reasons, but the unintended giggle factor of keyword analysis lets me know how The Vortex presents to the world. Most of these hits never returned-I'm assuming they didn't find what they were looking for here, but even the quickest trigger finger-turned-stat strokes my ego. Here are my top ten favorites:

1."ordinary people state of undress"
I had no idea I'd addressed some quasi-nekked reality. Can't recall one. If anyone finds it, do tell. I hope it's of the XY variety.

2. "mammoth chunks"
I can only assume web surfers knew about the Time Travel Mart in California before and sought it out because of their most famous merchandise. Aside from a natural curiosity of prehistoric creatures, the only other possibilities leave me shuddering. original post

3. "bat guano in eyeliner"
Ick. Did I discuss this? Apparently, there are few websites willing to go into the feces-in-makeup arena. Ladies and 30 Seconds to Mars fans, isn't it comforting to know there's one among us with an insatiable curiosity that we'll forever remember when we uncap that ultra-wet, waterproof liner? original post

4. "birth control titanic"
The Titanic interview with V.C. King and subsequent posts generated a lot of interest, but Leo's sweaty hand was hardly a commentary on this topic and a sinking ship is not a form of population control. original post

5. "thighmasters how to use"
Who knew I could pull the expert card on the Suzanne Somers multi-million dollar empire? original post

6. "is picking flowers in a ditch illegal"
Who do I look like, friggin' Jeeves? Texas DPS? original post

7. "woo woo factor"
I love this. This is going to be my new author platform. A hook line under the name on my website. L.A. Mitchell, The Woo-Woo Factor in Romance. Perfect. Thank you, kind surfer. original post

8. "holey slippers"
Who searches the web for worn footwear? Try ebay. My eccentric aunt just found out about the auction store near her house and has confused her Goodwill donation with her transistor radio. original post

9. "orange wedge revenge blogspot"
I can't recall proclaiming retaliation with citrus, but back off. I have a tangelo in the fridge and I'm not afraid to squeeze it in your eye. original post

10. "photo woman"
That's specific. Let me know when you get to page load 10 million-Oh wait, you'll have died a natural death by then. Never mind. original post

Anyone else with stat capabilities, leave your gems here...


K.M. Saint James said...

You always make me laugh. Silly me, I haven't been reading everyone else's comments -- clearly an oversight on my part. I'll need to add that to my required reading list b/c your viewers are clearly much more entertaining than mine.

Marilyn Brant said...

Orange wedge revenge blogspot??! These are hilarious! Loved, loved, loved this list and all of your snarky comments--made me laugh aloud today, which I needed...So, thank you. :)

Melanie Atkins said...

Where did you get those whacky comments? Too funny. You always crack me up, L.A.

L.A. Mitchell said...

Keyword Analysis allows you to see what words or phrases people are typing into a search engine to arrive at your site.

The snarky commentary is, of course, mine :)

Anonymous said...

I read 'orange wedge' as 'orange wedgie' and my brain left from there. Now that's something worth googling about!

Katie Reus said...

Bat guano in eyeliner? Hilarious! I'll admit, I don't even know how to check stats ;)