Saturday, May 30, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I can only surmise someone with an iphone found themselves an unfortunate victim of a full-stall bathroom imprisonment and heard rumors of the pantyhose/battery/sanitary napkin dispenser bomb. Happy to be of service.
why Ben Gay hurts armpits
Honestly, I don't remember covering this morsel. Honey, if your armpits hurt so much you are tempted to reach for the Ben Gay, you have more pressing issues than blog-hopping. Wheel of Fortune is on!
vortex fish caller
Is this a sport I'm unaware of? Much like bird calling, but in a swirling chasm of debilitating energy?
lost sawyers chest hair
Glad this googler knew I'd be happy to aid in the search. And on the subject of chest hair, which I must mention more times than is prudent on a professional writer's blog:
hairy chest Christopher Plummer
Christopher Plummer hairy chest
Not content to (a) leave any stone unturned in the quest for her ideal thespian's attributes nor (b) toss caution to the keyword Gods but once, this Vortex visitor no doubt left disappointed, which will simply not do. Unfortunately, this man is bundled tighter than bark on a tree. Turtlenecks and starched collars abound. First, I found this:
Egads..... I'm guessing this one is much closer to what you had in mind, dear Googler...
bodies soaked in the rain
beauty of a woman's heart
Could any search be more of a compliment for a romance writer? Target audience: bulls-eye.
elvis rain soaked kiss
Okay, this one was just a present, wasn't it? If anyone knows of such a kiss, I'll be your BFF.
pamela suck dogs
Sadly, I'm not acquainted with Pamela, which leaves me at a disadvantage to judge whether or not she, indeed, sucks dogs.
Finally, in honor of my mom's much-anticipated visit today, a four day extravaganza filled with pedis, conference shoe shopping and Hobby Lobby worship, I leave you with this:
(Philosophy of Physics Final Exam: Is it possible to travel back in time and kill your mother before she gave birth to you?)
Monday, May 25, 2009
Okay, just kidding. But who wouldn't want a fondant Sawyer and Dharma beer to help them usher in the next year?
Since May is passing in a blurr, cram-packed with celebratory rites of passage for those around me, I offer up my new favorite blog-indulgence: Awkward Family Photos. It is the laughable humiliation we all share. Be sure to go back several pages to see the true comedic morsels.Have a great Monday, everyone!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
In one corner, French photographer Robert Doisneau's "The Kiss". Taken in 1950 near the L'Hotel de Ville in Paris his images "presented a charming vision of human frailty and life as a series of quiet incongruous moments."(Robert Doisneau's Encyclopedia of Photography, 1984)
In the opposing corner, random kiss for which I have no information. Contrived as it may be, it is visually stunning. Let's call it "The Kick." Rumor has it, this leg extension is rarely a reflex but began under Old Hollywood's strict Puritanical rules that actresses were always to keep at least one foot on the floor to prevent any hanky panky. Many chose to push the boundaries and have only one foot on the floor.
Vote at the sidebar.
Which kiss is your favorite?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Ten Ways to MacGyver Your Way Through RWA's National Conference
1) In the Pilot episode, MacGyver used milk chocolate to stop a sulfuric acid leak. Milk chocolate can be used to stop the noxious gas of a plot leak as well. Have some on hand when an impromptu editor question such as, "What is your book about?" spawns incoherent, odoriferous babbling such as, "This girl, she um, have you seen....oh, what's that movie?"
--- .--. .-. .- .... .--. .. -.-. -.- : Oprah pick
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Dad: "Hell no."
My brother was relentless in annoying liberties with MacGyver's character:
"Do you ever see him with a girl? Really with a girl? He's gay."
"He's wounded. Every woman that was close to him died. He couldn't bear to put someone he loved in harm's way."
"This isn't Falcon Crest. He doesn't have time. He's too busy carrying out Pete's orders."
"Pete's gay, too."
For the next decade, anytime I was in my brother's company and someone who'd dial the gay-dar up to full strength walked by, my brother would sing, "Da-da-da" in MacGyver theme-song-tribute. As an adult, I can address the truth:
"They introduced a love interest in season two and received so much hate mail, they wrote her out of the script."
"He was still gay."
My only request to the New Line producers who have green-lighted a full-length feature MacGyver film (as of March 2009) is to find that romantic subplot. Please. The fourteen year old in me is screaming for validation. Vicariousness. Nostalgia. And if you cast anyone but Richard Dean Anderson, let the stalking commence.
Check out this action figure from Brazil. They got the hair BEYOND wrong. Geez. It's like Lucille Ball in a Member's Only jacket.Lest anyone accuse me of lacking "author branding" focus in this post, I offer you this time-inspired MacGyver-ish tidbit on estimating remaining daylight courtesy of the ultra fun Show Me Now website.
Tomorrow: Ten Ways to MacGyver Your Way Through RWA National
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Wednesday: another Vortex 10!
10 Ways to MacGyver Your Way Through Romance Writers of America's National Conference
Friday, May 8, 2009
In other exciting news, aside from being a faithful Vortex reader, Kim Lenox's follow-up to her highly successful debut novel, Night Falls Darkly, hit shelves this week. So Still the Night is the second in her Shadow Guard series, which follows a shadowy order of immortals tasked with tracking down and reclaiming the most evil and depraved mortal souls. I became such a shameless fangirl after book one that So Still the Night has screeched to the forefront of my to-be-read pile for the weekend. Kim's stories are filled with the dark, rich history of true crimes that plagued Victorian London, unforgettable Alpha heroes, steampunk elements and gifted prose. Visit the Silk & Shadows blog and comment before midnight tonight for a chance to win a free copy. You knew there was a reason you had Vortex on feed, right?
Today, I thought I'd share some of the titles in my absurdly large reading pile. Normally, I don't have more than one book going at a time. My mistake was succumbing to the temptation to read just the first paragraph, okay-the first page, holy crap-is it dinner time? So, this weekend, after Kim's book, here's the lineup:
Notice how physics completely balances out the Smart Bitches humor? And Peter Abraham's young adult novels were my reward for finishing edits. LOVE him like Stephen King does, I do.
What are you reading?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
All these thoughts of change sent me fleeing from the IKEA and Pottery Barn catalogs that clog my mailbox. They look perfect, don't they? The glossy layouts of home office space with juicy lime colors, organized with every overpriced do-da known to man. At times, I find myself falling into the notion I could create a thousand Pulitzer-prize winning novels there a year if only I had that kind of space/storage/picture-perfect setting. Why wouldn't an artist-rendered push pin that cost more than a 100-count box of pencils translate into beauty on the page?
Then I catch myself. Those spaces are as unimaginative as they are nonfunctional (Don't you love the way they use laptops without cords and designer chairs that would leave us all crippled by day's end?) My quest for something real took me to some amazing writer's spaces. Check them out:
This space is rumored to be where Jane Austen crafted most of her novels. No doubt, it's the smallest desk ever used by a writer. Truly a playground of the mind. Just for you, Marilyn.
This is Graham Swift's space. I included it because it spoke to me in two ways. Though orange would be dead-last in my paint options to inspire dark romance, the color shows courage, depth of thought, emotion. And to me, Ye-of-Sixth-Grade-Desk, the real estate he has to spread out his pages and thoughts looks like heaven. He has the trashcan at the forefront. I know he's keeping it real.
Simon Armitage's writer-space has the full-length, floor to ceiling bookcases that make my heart palpitate, but I also love that even the structure of his desk (foreground) is comprised of stacked books. Keeping it real: the slippers.
My absolute favorite from The Guardian's on-going photo collection is Kevin Crossley's writer-space in Holland. View on three sides and enough ceiling to channel the creative gods. Just out of the photo, crossbeams painted in "marsh-green, sea-lavender, duck-egg, woad ... colours of contemplation," according to Crossley.
More telling than any photograph, though, are the stories of their space, narrated in most cases by the writers themselves. Details essential to creation. Mile markers of their own literary journey. And the ever-present trash can.
Paige Cuccaro's Writer's Cave displays writer-spaces from Kim Harrison and Laurell K. Hamilton to Jim Butcher and Sherrilyn Kenyon. Would that I had a fireplace in my writer's space like Lisa Kleypas. A girl can dream, right?
Stay tuned for pictures of my writer-space. Think there will be a clock?
Post a link in the comments to a photo of your writer-space, your favorite space or let us know what is essential in your surroundings to tap into your creativity.