1. The black duster-clad alien/human hybrids might have broken into a fog-laden rendition of Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus", giving them an entertaining value beyond belching a light storm from their mouths.
2. The numerical sequence the protagonist triest to decode might have resembled the optimistic spreadsheet of Harry Potter-like sales from my debut release.
3. Rose Byrne's hysterical portrayal of a worried mother might have been more drama-hysterical and less ha-ha hysterical.
4. The black pebbles could have led me back from the abyss of schitzophrenic genre. As they stood, they were a mere metaphor for the ka-ka that was the ending.
5. I could have imagined a different, better plot in the protagonist's house that looked more like a Disney soundstage than a real residence.
6. The sunspot could have lit a fire under me to want to go past 1 hour and 40 minutes on my DVD counter.
7. I could have pretended the symbolic tree at the end was my happy place instead of the heavy-handed religious propaganda that made virtually no sense given the character's set up.
8. It might have made sense that a mother would leave two hunted children unattended in a car during a pre-apocalyptic bedlam.
9. Nicholas Cage might have morphed into someone who less-resembled the guy who rotated my tires last week.
10. My laughter during the scene where Nicholas Cage runs out to fight the Depeche Mode guys, strikes a bat against a tree and screams, "You want some of this?" might have eclipsed the next, oh say, seven scenes.
Okay, so I was harsh. I really, really wanted to like this movie. It contains a time capsule for the love of Pete! The woo-woo factor (minus the alien thing) is so completely up my alley, but in the end, it didn't hold together.
What's the latest I-just-shaved-two-hours-off-my-life film-stinker you watched?