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Monday, June 2, 2008

Time Travel Aboard the Mothership

Ten things I learned at yesterday's psychic fair:

1)Beware the Sandra Dee woman. She may look like the room mother for your kids, but the orb-eyed creature on her name badge should have been your first clue. She'll expound on her Earthly extraterrestrial mission and send you on your way with an I-Dream-of-Jeannie facial squeeze and a knowing stare.

2)Even the bathrooms have a mystical aura: a potent combination of flowing incense garb, residual heat from the aura photographer's bulb and the wrong end of the fru juice made from brown seaweed.

3)Scarborough Festival shirts are to psychic fairs what Skynard shirts are to monster truck pulls.

4)The only ring of Solomon I see at the base of my index finger is the inner goo of a Pop Tart from breakfast and it has nothing to do with wisdom.

5)The whites of your tarot card reader's eyes do not indicate a seizure. Her fifteen bracelets on each wrist might be interfering with a nearby electromagnetic field.

6)Even having psychic or higher-awareness skills does not redeem a man from being innocuous to details. It's nature. Just saying.

7)The compulsions I feel in this lifetime toward all things Reese's, purple and Oliver Hudson could be past-life shrapnel that didn't fully filter through the veil when I entered this life. This no doubt means I was a 1800s peanut farmer's wife, royalty, or a bartender with an astonishingly witty vernacular.

8)Something as disturbing as a short lifeline or impending health strife on the palm is still amusing in the presence of cherished friends.

9)Don't judge a psychic by a last name, but don't give him your ten bucks either. I'm sure Mr. Crooke would gift you with life's greatest secrets, but it wouldn't go down nearly as satisfying as the sangria at Pappasito's afterward.

10)The X-files Hallmark card belted out the perfect ending credits for the day. I want to believe. That the September thing will come true. That Sandra Dee will never teleport me back to her mothership.

8 comments:

Sherry Davis said...

I nearly snorted coffee through my nose!! Too funny. I'm so glad you enjoyed you bday celebration.

Hugs!

Mary Malcolm said...

Very funny! Mine was tea instead of coffee, and some might have actually made it all the way out of my nose. I really hope you guys go again, I'd love to go with. And happy birthday!

Sandra Ferguson said...

Aren't you too funny? But OMG that hand looks creepy on your site . . . just saying, that's all. Like something marked for dissection at the next meeting of psychics anonymous.

Psychics Are Us was a great time.

Sue L said...

The Psychic fair sounds like it was great fun! I'm sorry I missed it.

L.A. Mitchell said...

If I go another month, I'll be tempted to pick the Crooke guy just to see if he's full of it.

I'd also want to watch the crystal ball lady more, just for character study.

I'll have someone else make the appointment, though. Still a little unsettled about Sandra Dee.

Oh, and the hand? If it were on my writing desk, I'd imagine it crawling up from the place rejection letters fester.

Marilyn Brant said...

Sounds like you had quite the weekend, L.A. Makes me want to go to a psychic fair sometime, too! A good friend went once and had a fascinating experience there... Would love to hear further details of Sandra Dee's predictions and will hope all the good ones come true :).

AN ARTFUL BLOGGER said...

God who remembers Sandra Dee?
Funny stuff L.A.M.

Baltasar Gracian 77 to you!

Please do some recordings of your voice reading your work; so funny. No more cranberry juice for me.:)

Now I'm going to finish reading the rest of your stuff. Chow.

The Hub said...
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