Estrogen, Unleashed

I leave tomorrow for D.C. and RWA's National Conference. Imagine almost two thousand romance writers, the industry's top editors and agents, one hotel, three bars, one hundred workshops, a 300-author book signing event that benefits literacy charities and one spectacular formal awards event very much like the Oscars. Except there's no Hugh Jackman. Or red carpet. And the paparazzi is your critique partner from twelve states away who just borrowed your clear nailpolish to avert a nylon disaster.

This year is my second time with a princess pink Golden Heart finalist ribbon. The first time around, so many strangers asked me about my book, I pitched more than Roger Clemens before his mid-career slump. The opportunities were amazing, the days inspiring (and exhausting). How many other times in a writer's career is it so decidedly optimistic? For all the rejection and years and isolated determination, that pink ribbon of possibility fuels me for whatever pothole-ridden road awaits. And it will await. It always does.

Be good to yourself and others this week. Wednesday and Friday, you'll revisit some older posts, a spectacular display of time travel, don't you think? Okay, maybe not spectacular, but a cool perk of technology, nevertheless. If you're so inclined, RWA will be updating their site as Golden Heart and Rita winners are announced or you can follow the ceremony Saturday night (8-10pm EST) via Twitter. I'll be back next week with tons of photos, including a visit to the International Spy Museum. I'm channeling my inner Bond girl, you know.

Bye for now,

InkyLuv

Ten Ways to MacGyver Your Way Through RWA's National Conference

My quest for the perfect RWA Awards Ceremony dress aligned with two completely indulgent, delicious MacGyver reruns this week to inspire another Vortex 10! Despite Tami Cowden's homage to MacGyver in her professor-warrior archetype blend, romance writers have yet to fully embrace a character that has taught us (1) explosive necklaces can be quite fashionable; (2) pop culture rewards awesome heroes by busting out fresh liberties with parts of speech; and (3) some people can go out into the wilderness to find their dreams, or a really fake looking Sasquatch. With this in mind, I offer:

Ten Ways to MacGyver Your Way Through RWA's National Conference

1) In the Pilot episode, MacGyver used milk chocolate to stop a sulfuric acid leak. Milk chocolate can be used to stop the noxious gas of a plot leak as well. Have some on hand when an impromptu editor question such as, "What is your book about?" spawns incoherent, odoriferous babbling such as, "This girl, she um, have you seen....oh, what's that movie?"

2) Strapless bra traveling south? Why not adopt MacGyver's Secret-of-the-Red-Carpet? Duct Tape. Consider the after-event removal as a waxing bonus. Score.

3) Lost your bobby pins in the fertile, feminine jungle that is a four-way-shared-bathroom? No problem. The three inch long screw affixing the remote to the table works as a perfect hairpin. Best if the screw has a sharp tip to ram it home.

4) Toilet-seat covers function as the perfect blotter for those unexpected moments before your editor appointment when your pores are leaking the fluid you retained from your cheesecake-as-dinner the previous night.

5) In season three, MacGyver blasted a door open using pantyhose, a battery and an oil can. Nice to know if you get stuck in a floor-to-ceiling restroom stall your L'eggs, Ipod and the sanitary napkin dispenser can save you.

6) If there's one thing MacGyver taught us about decadence, it's that a lavish party is the perfect diversion for someone to hack into your computer. Romance writers with rabid Annie-Wilks-type fans should incorporate a memory stick into their decolletage for safe-keeping.

7) The sea of workshop choices can be daunting. Don't have a pen to mark the one you want? Run your fingernail along your Maybelline-adorned lips and etch it into the conference book. It's like a red editing pen without the tears and crippling self-doubt.

8) Beware the zipper diversion. Desperate representation-hungry writers are waiting in the wings to infiltrate the casual conversation you've managed to score with your dream agent. Like MacGyver, they know string and a paperclip hooked into a dress zipper can give them enough time to defuse your f-bomb and send you scurrying, mortified, into the ladies room. Man those zippers!

9) Our mulleted-but-hot hero knows Morse Code and you should, too. Appointments are an optimum time to casually shed your silver bangle and tap out subliminal messages such as:

-... . - - . .-. - .... .- -. -.-- .. .-.. .. --. .... - : better than Twilight

or

--- .--. .-. .- .... .--. .. -.-. -.- : Oprah pick

10) Raid your purse. Compacts are great rear-view mirrors. Camera lenses act as magnifying glasses in a pinch. Critique partners can string together Post-it notes and dental floss and lower into a conversation-hog's line of vision for distraction and escape ala MacGyver's "Lost Love" episode.

If this merely whets your appetite to MacGyverize your conference trip, try FoxNews's article on How to Travel Like MacGyver. See you in July!