Forgive me if I don't come from a place of authority on tonight's midnight movie kiss. The Quiet Man was released twenty years before I was born, and I tend to watch classic movie marathons that don't feature Tractor Supply Company ads during commercials. But it is The Duke, and in some realms he's as sacred as chocolate and MacGyver is around here, so I gave this movie kiss the benefit of the doubt.
For context, John Wayne plays Sean Thornton, a man with a dark past who returns to Ireland to reclaim his homestead. While there, he begins a tumultuous relationship with a poor maiden, portrayed by Maureen O'Hara.
In the kiss-fandom arena this scene polarizes people. Some rank it with Casablanca and Gone with the Wind and herald its coveted place in romantic film history. I'd like to have those women to dinner. Over a mandarin pecan salad, we'd discuss exactly which part excites them: the category four hurricane blowing outside the thatched hut or the drunk, animalistic noise that erupts from John Wayne to set the mood. Quiet man, indeed. Aside from the Rick Astley overcoat(again with that-a prevalent costuming choice for heroes in kiss scenes), and the homage to a romance novel's clinch cover at 1:19, it will go down in my book as the worst movie kiss ever.
After I torment my cats with The Duke's beastly cry one more time.
Someone be the Tony Kornheiser to my Michael Wilbon. I just don't get it.