Monday, January 19, 2009

Random Monday Vortex 10

There is a veritable cornucopia of inspiration (translation: distraction) around here this week. A Vortex 10 might just clear my mind enough to get back to editing, so let's try it:

Ten Random Things Distracting Me From Writing This Week:

1. Moving an Elderly Relative
Though the compensatory free dinners at IHOP provide a modicum of motivation, enduring a critical banter with the waiter worthy of a presidential debate makes the dry pancakes lodge in my throat. The stench of the senior menu's pan-crusted Tilapia is at battle with my strawberry syrup. Said relative's directive to the chef about the degree of fish doneness lest it bring on "explosive diarrhea" inspires a war in my stomach. Time suck: 2 days.

2. Waiting for Garage Door Repairmen
Apparently, it is in vogue for the young males of our local species to impale themselves against garage doors. While this mating/loyalty-to-pack ritual might prove mildly entertaining to the sociologists among us interested in the decline of civilization, damaging the door to the point of collapse is not. Should you choose to darken my driveway again and impale my pricey new garage door, you leave me no choice but to disable the safety beam and tether you in its path. Time suck: 3 hours and counting...

3. Changing Toilet Tissue Rolls
To some of you, this may seem silly. But for every other human who draws breath at Casa Mitchell, I shall purchase this t-shirt as a reminder that (a) it doesn't take a genius to work the spring-loaded plastic holder and (b) at any moment, your smarts will be traded for a hottie, mullet-wearing, bomb-from-gum making Phoenix Foundation operative lest we fail to ingest the lessons of the empty tissue roll. Time suck for a year: enough to line edit my final draft.

4. Time Travel to My Awkwardness c. 1980's
An afternoon at a roller skating rink has the power to simultaneously bring back a flashy "Heartbreaker" flat-chested shirt moment and enough sting in the glutes to inspire a break dance move worthy of pre-saved M.C. Hammer. Do not blow past me, Mr. I-most-likely-impaled-your-garage-door. Gum revenge is sweet. Ask MacGyver. Time suck: 2 hours, 15 minutes.

5. Frying Pan Sticker
Placing a bar code sticker with NASA adhesive on the non-teflon shell of the pan is smart. Placing it where it sinks into the conduction structure, unreachable by a WD-40 pen-wielding hand is pure genius. Twenty broken toothpicks later, I command the residual glue to, "Burn, baby, burn!" Time suck: 20 minutes.

6. Travels With My Cats by Mike Resnick
Could I begin to touch this time travel short story with my worthiness as a writer? I think not. In an interview, Resnick admits this Hugo-award winning story is the one he's most proud of. It has romance, love, cats and time-travel. Squee! Time suck: 25 minutes, but worth every one.

7. Build Your Own Time Machine at The Science Channel
At first glance, the promise is enough to make me a forever fangirl of Michio Kaku, famed physics professor who touts this feature on Science Channel commercials. After a grueling trip through what time is, the fruitless results are disappointing. No simulation. No games. Very backhanded, not-so-humorous retro. Good for the basics, but hardly worthy of The Science Channel. Time suck: 13 minutes.

8. LOST teasers promising major devotion to Sawyer's plot line this season. Need I say more? Time suck: 1 hour.

9. American Idol
Okay, I swore I wouldn't do it again this year. Nothing on it ever comes within a galaxy of the music I listen to (Daughtry-pshaw!), but I needed a wicked laugh after a flat tire fiasco this week. I always wish Seacrest would bitch-slap some of these devoted family members who were never honest enough with their beloved to say, "This is not your thing, honey." It is my fervent hope I am not the William Hung of the writing world. Time suck: 1 hour, 10 minutes.

10. Judging GH Entries I Adore
Historical romance writers brought their game when they submitted to the Golden Heart contest this year. Fifty pages were simply not enough for two of them. Perfect scores all round!
Time suck: 1 hour, 15 minutes.

Here's to a new week of productivity for everyone!


Marilyn Brant said...

What IS it with the toilet roll thing?! I just don't get it. I am, apparently, the only mechanical genius in the house...and that is a truly frightening statement.

Looking forward to reading the Resnick story. Thanks for the link :).

Miladysa said...

Brilliant post :D

"It is my fervent hope I am not the William Hung of the writing world."

I have no idea who he BUT a smiliar thought crosses my mind every time I watch the X Factor!

the walking man said...

But then if you do get William Hung selection I would hope you are better at parlaying within that Warholian minute.

Have you realized that a horizontally hung paper towel holder will accommodate twice as many rolls of toilet paper? This either reduces the effort to change empties to half or doubles it...I find math to be a great time suck.

Charles Gramlich said...

I change a lot of toilet roles here.

But my main TV time waster is Nip/Tuck.

laughingwolf said...

i live with my son, he loads the tp one way, i, the other ;) lol

my time waster: the internet

Vesper said...

Loved your list, L.A.! :-) :-) Sadly, I could also come up with a huge list of time wasters... Ah, where does time disappear?

Thanks for the link to Resnick's story! :-)

Kim Lenox said...

Okay, I was able to focus on your post until I got to the picture of Sawyer, then my brain just went, "WHEEE!" and I'm not sure what you said after that.


L.A. Mitchell said... is the eighth wonder of the world. I provide no critique of flow, either. It matters not whether the flap lays atop or a-bottom, merely that it exists at all :)

Miladysa...if you watch X-factor, you get my meaning. William Hung did an awful rendition of "She-Bangs" (or whatever the song was) on American Idol one season and became famous off of the sheer disaster of the audition.

WM...I never thought about the paper towel holder as time saver before. Might have to be incorporated at Casa Mitchell as a Sanford and Son-ish resolution :)

Charles...the women of the species bid you a collective "thank you"

Laughingwolf...the *way* it is rolled does say something about your personality..I read it...somewhere.

Vesper...thank you :) I'm much more productive today, thank goodness. Kinda hangs me up, too :O

Pam said...

I wanted Seacrest to bitch-slap bikini girl! There's too many of them here in the valley.

And pshew! I almost entered my historical in the GH this year and where I think mine is the Kelly Clarkson of the bunch (LOL!), it's scary to know there is such great competition!

the walking man said...

With her proclivity for picking through the cast offs of others on bulk pick up, day my wife is aptly compared to Fred G. Sanford