Two Delicious Shorts

Short films contain many lessons for writers. They teach us economy, the art of painting visuals, how each word should contribute and be mindful of tone and theme. I often post them, not as time sucks-of which they are the delicious variety-but because good ones are a gift wrapped in a tiny box. Here are two recent favorites...enjoy! And She Stares Longingly At What She Has Lost The Note

Fatty Gristles of Time-Suck

My work-in-progress novel is not getting the best of what my mind has to offer, so I wanted to gift my thought-gristles here. You're welcome. After throwing myself at Google's mercy to help me find a fresh metaphor for hot--I know! Desperate times--I surrendered.

Eau-de-gristle
This article fascinated me, not because the article's title contained "time travel", nor because it talked about a certain baby lotion and its role in the sexual climate of the 1990s (ack!), but because it highlighted a Brooklyn perfumer who celebrates scents like wet mitten and tortilla chip. As long as it's not wet tortilla chip. I'm already well-acquainted with that scent at the Y. Also, any writer who wields the phrase "sugary boob job" to describe the Georgio Beverly Hills fragrance is my kind of peep.

The gristle-with-Mickey-ears
Disney is jumping on the time travel bandwagon. Really. Even more of a dip in the temporal pond than the Prince of Persia (SO a topic for another blog). The Runner is set in post-apocalyptic 2027 where a tiny group of survivors in the Rocky Mountains find a way to send someone back in time. But lo, the one who draws the short straw to go back has alterior motives. Instead of stopping the apocalyptic events, he returns to save his one true love. Marc Forester of Quantum of Solace is set to direct.

The lugubrious gristle
In the last, say, eighteen hours, I've heard the word lugubrious no less than THREE times. I don't think I've heard lugubrious three times in my entire life. The best was in a late-night Twilight Zone eppy where a player piano reveals people's thoughts they'd never say aloud. Is this the universe humming along in simpatico waves? Encouraging me to use the word in my novel? A subtle hint that I need to perk up?

Tick-tock gristle
From time to time (ha!) I post creative clocks. Remember the Kuku Klock and the Death Clock? What about the O-Clock? Oh and the creepy grasshopper clock? And this super-terrific roundup of web clocks? If I haven't made your eyes glaze over yet, check out these creative ways humans try to master time's passage.

Lest you think this post left out the creep factor worthy of Thriller Island, I give you this clock...


Oh, and if you can think of a fresh metaphor for hot that doesn't involve Ricky Martin's white pants, please send it my way.

Promise Me Something Better

Who writes for Dove Chocolates? Those carpe diem messages imprinted on the foil Promises wrappers? Today the peanut butter ones encouraged me to feel the sun on my face, make a date with my favorite book and think beyond limits. Please. If I'm diving into the chocolate, something decidedly non-zen has just happened.

If I were a writer on Dove's payroll, I'd unwrap these beauts:

Five minutes behind the ape guy on heavy meds in spin class. Worth it?

Add a food group. Call it Who-Cares.

Kiss before eating. My caramel is like mucus.

Fold laundry while eating. Eliminate guilt.

Bite me. No, really.

That fantasy? Re-live it. It's healthier than me.

Joanie loves Chachi. Without Joanie.

Turns your mother-in-law's voice into Charlie Brown's teacher.

Just like the cabana boy's skin.

In all seriousness, they're listening. Submit yours here.

Trinity of Mullets, Sustenance and Kings

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

If you were expecting me to be all up into leprechauns today, you'll be disappointed. Unless they time travel. Or sneak around in silhouette like Hitchcock. Or love Fabio. Or all three.


What you will find is a trinity of awesome, Vortex-style:


Remember this January 2008 post on our mulleted-time-traveling hero? Apparently, he has inspired a film, Safety Not Guaranteed, based on this oft-circulated, perhaps sincere, request for a time traveling companion. Starring Aubrey Plaza from Funny People and NBC's Parks and Recreation, production begins next month.

A San Francisco indie filmmaker is looking for a screenwriter for his psychological thriller. Out of the many perks listed in his Craig's List ad: you will be fed. If you have your own transportation and can recognize the agregiousness in creditable, you we'll need and don't doesn't, this could be your break!

Lastly, I offer a definitive answer to the question plaguing the pop-culture book sites: Can Stephen King handle time travel?

Hell to the yes.

And at 1000 pages, hesitant old-schoolers have just enough time to save up for an e-reader.

Links, Ahoy!

It's been entirely too long since I brought you a linktastic post, Vortex-style. I promise no Fabio. Did you observe the restraint I displayed at not linking his name to his lahve-album? We've landed on Thriller Island now, remember? All ashore who's going ashore!

Author and inventor T.J. Waters solved the where-do-I-sign? e-reader conundrum for authors. How cool is that? Predictions: (1) inside of six months all e-books will have this blank page, and (2) 2012 will be the year authors write ipads off their taxes in droves. Video Article

For those who need new fashions that fit into the island coiture, Daphne Jane Little's Experimental Time Travel collection is for you. Add an orange pantsuit and this one holds promise for my future utopian Sherpa character. Kidding. I think.

Sherpa-inspired dance move for LaughingWolf for this Time Travel Savage Chickens strip.

And, since we're on the subject of time (I know-when aren't we, right?) here's a list of the best times to conquer the most mundane tasks of the day. See? All the stuff on Thriller Island doesn't have to be woo-woo.

CBS has been voted off my island for two aggregious offenses: (1) teasing me with "MacGyver" under their TV Classic episode titles in their drop-down online broadcasting menu, then delivering on a paltry six minutes from seven seasons of win, and (2) taking Criminal Minds to a whole new level of gore to salvage their bad production decisions. You have effectively doused my Gubler-love.

Lastly, if you haven't seen the trailer for Source Code, pull up a moderately-clean movie theater seat and dig into my popcorn bucket. I promise not to lick my lips all creepy-like when Jake appears.

Last movies seen: North by Northwest, Shutter Island
Last thing eaten: Pink-Lady Apple
Last thing read on the Nook: Suzanne Collins-Catching Fire
Last YouTube watch: Three Days Grace-Break

Have a great week, everyone!