So this Valentine's Day I shall dump cargo from past satin-pillow-and-Barry-White Romancelandia-laced topics to make room for new body counts. With a well-documented tear plummeting my cheek I give you new booty. Less plunder, more psychological reaping.
Crate One: Fabio After Dark
I'm the first to admit I've probably gotten more mileage out of this than Fabio, but I can't hear things that go bump in the night if this Italian Stallion is reminding me he is a "chiiiild of laahhhve." Ciao, Fabio.
Crate Two: Romantic Gift Ideas
Gifts on Thriller Island are more likely to be a jar of human skin than a jar filled with love notes or poetry.
Crate Three: Love Letters
True, this one came packaged with well-wishes of love from Mr. Roarke and Tattoo, but on Thriller Island, they'd be from a stalker or a serial killer with an m.o. for copycatting famous lovers' deaths.
Crate Four: Vast Secrets of a Woman's Heart
Or, more specifically, how men can learn them by paying attention to romance novel heroes. Thriller Island could not exist without secrets, copious and dark, but the talent to control body functions is not one of them.
Crate Five: Those Romantic Shorts
Films, not Bermuda. Let's see, there was Notte Sento and Post-It Love and A Thousand Words and The Quiet Man scene and for heaven's sake, the entire kissing scene series I did a few years ago, but on Thriller Island, the shorts will be much more in the vein of Fragments, still my favorite.
Cargo dump aside, I hope everyone feels love this Valentine's Day. And if you don't, the Vortex is full of it (and, secretly, always will be). Shhh!