Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Teen Mags, Hubba Bubba and Duct Tape

Before the Vortex 10 unveiling tomorrow, I feel the unquenchable urge to project just how deep this MacGyver neurosis goes. In addition to my faux-journalistic intentions, my early teen years were dominated by a conspiracy to meet/stalk/otherwise possess some artifact of Richard Dean Anderson. It's a rite of passage for teen girls, right? That blurred line between reality and fiction, actor and character? The broken fringe off of Denver Broncos's Vance Johnson's leather jacket, my only true encounter with celebrity to that point, just wasn't cutting it. I plotted family trips to Vancouver. Attempted Macgyverisms for science fair projects. I went into cardiac arrest over lunch at a Universal Studios snack area when I spied his handprints and siggy preserved in cement. I had slides, people. I wanted to add them to our family trays on slide-show nights.

Dad: "Hell no."

My brother was relentless in annoying liberties with MacGyver's character:

"Do you ever see him with a girl? Really with a girl? He's gay."

"He's wounded. Every woman that was close to him died. He couldn't bear to put someone he loved in harm's way."

"He's gay."

"This isn't Falcon Crest. He doesn't have time. He's too busy carrying out Pete's orders."

"Pete's gay, too."

For the next decade, anytime I was in my brother's company and someone who'd dial the gay-dar up to full strength walked by, my brother would sing, "Da-da-da" in MacGyver theme-song-tribute. As an adult, I can address the truth:

"They introduced a love interest in season two and received so much hate mail, they wrote her out of the script."

"He was still gay."

My only request to the New Line producers who have green-lighted a full-length feature MacGyver film (as of March 2009) is to find that romantic subplot. Please. The fourteen year old in me is screaming for validation. Vicariousness. Nostalgia. And if you cast anyone but Richard Dean Anderson, let the stalking commence.

Check out this action figure from Brazil. They got the hair BEYOND wrong. Geez. It's like Lucille Ball in a Member's Only jacket.Lest anyone accuse me of lacking "author branding" focus in this post, I offer you this time-inspired MacGyver-ish tidbit on estimating remaining daylight courtesy of the ultra fun Show Me Now website.


Tomorrow: Ten Ways to MacGyver Your Way Through RWA National


the walking man said...

I don't know whether to be ashamed or proud that I had to Wikipedia MacGyver to make sense of this.


Pamela Cayne said...

I am in awe, madam. Total awe. Tomorrow cannot come fast enough.

Alyssa Goodnight said...

Can't wait for tomorrow's post--that sounds awesome!

I have to admit...I never watched MacGyver. I do wonder what I was missing though. Seems like it was alot.

Robin said...

OMG! I hadn't realized what a huge MacGyver fan you are. Oh wait, I mean I hadn't realized that you were MacGyver/Richard Dean Anderson's Number One fan! (Did you drool over him when he was on Stargate too? Or is this strictly a MacGvyver crush?)

I've forgotten most of the details of the show, but I remembering enjoying it. I keep telling the dh that we need to rent one of the seasons so I can compare the two. Because seriously, my hubby can do anything he can do. (Sorry - he doesn't have a brother.) ;)

Can't wait for tomorrow's post!!

p.s. You come up with the BEST blog titles!

L.A. Mitchell said...

@walkingman...the mere fact that you wikipedia-ed it proves (a) you were under a rock in the 80s or (b) you were watching Baywatch at the time. Hmm...that's a hard one... ;)

@Pamela...let's hope the awe isn't of the "dang that girl's freaky weird" variety :)

@Alyssa...there are *free* episodes all over the internet. Watch the first 15 minutes and you'll get the gist.

@Robin...I would have said an RDA fan, because I can remember being 7 or 8 and watching General Hospital with my Mom (no doubt the formidable age this whole romance thing embedded itself--thanks for the censoring, and adoring him even then. I actually never watched a Stargate...hard to believe. He's aged VERY well. Like fine wine.

You lucky woman, you. The men in my life struggle with toilet flappers.

Sue L said...

>>I had slides, people. I wanted to add them to our family trays on slide-show nights.

This is toooo funny.

In our hallway, I have it absolutely and completely covered with photos, mostly family, some antique, the kids when they were little up through the current ones I'm adding all the time, but I also have John Wayne, The Lone Ranger and the Star Trek Bridge Crew, among others ... ;)