Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Gift That Is Fifty-One

Not an Amazing Grace arrest, nor a pants split, nor The General's rendition of Pants on the Ground can get me to tune into American Idol this year. How do I know about these things? I Yahoo. A twenty second sound byte is all I need. Trust me on this.

I'm not a huge reality show person, but since season five when Chris Daughtry busted out a Fuel song, I've watched AI. Maybe I've reached saturation point or Adam Lambert's AMA performance pushed me over the edge, but I decided no longer. No longer after I calculated a staggering fifty-one hours I'd spent last season watching the dreams of hopefuls crushed. No longer will Simon's refreshingly honest, but acidic comments gnaw on the vicarious thread between aspiring NY Times bestselling author and AI winner I've spun in my fantasies. I have a rejection pile for that. No longer did I wish to endure updated Barry Manilow tunes. I have elevators for that. No longer did I wish to endure Ryan Seacrest's dramatic pauses. I have dialogue tags for that. No longer did I want to hear "Dawg" in any context. AI, I'm over you.

So with fifty-one non-AI hours this season, how to fill them?

-51 new, more frequent posts. Monday through Friday for four months
-400 well-thought-out draft-two words per hour x 51 = 20,400 (1/4th of a book!)
-51 extra spinning, wait. I'd rather be called "Dawg"
-read 10 books
-bake one hundred and ten Emeril Lagasse Key Lime Pies
-total Wii Sports Resort domination
-blaze an unprecedented trail through my Netflix cache to study plot arcs and arses
-drive to the Time Travel Research Center and back
-give everyone around me fifty-one hours of my full and undivided non-writing attention
-play 200 extended-version laser mouse rounds with the trifecta of kitties at my feet

Are you watching AI this year? What would you do with fifty-one extra hours?


Jen FitzGerald said...

Fifty-one extra Mostly write, I think. If I could keep my butt in the chair (or on the mattress) and my knees from aching.

The kitty thing sounds like fun, though!

Charles Gramlich said...

I've probably watched 3 hours total of AI over the years, and then only because I happened to be on the couch when Lana was watching it.

the walking man said...

I never watched Artificial Intelligence so I have no claim to the 51 extra hours. But if I did I would spend them all here going through your time suck machines or torturing you with verbose vain comments.

Pamela Cayne said...

I don't know what I'd be doing with the gift of 51 extra hours (especially since I stopped watching AI a while ago, too), but I hope they'd be fun or productive, possibly both. Maybe just 51 hours of drinking tea. (But not in a row. That'd be bad.)

Robin said...

Love this post! Can I join you for a few of your new found hours?

I don't watch AI. Never really have. I'm not a big reality show fan either. However, my time is being sucked up by several TV shows - Bones, Fringe, Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, Chuck, Human Target, and those fabulous USA shows - Burn Notice, Psych and White Collar. Just to name a few. ;)

If I had fifty-one extra hours? I'd write! And when I needed a little break, I'd think of something fun to do with MacGyver. ;)

Have a great weekend, L.A.!

Marilyn Brant said...

LOL!! I don't even turn on AI until the contestants have at least made it to Hollywood Week. It's too, too depressing/frustrating for me to see those auditions. I'm not sure what the tone of the show is going to be like this year--with judge changes and the new dynamic that brings--but I'll give it a try. It's the only reality TV show I still sort of watch.

Todd Wheeler said...

51 hours of writing! No, wait. 51 extra hours of sleep (in other words, closer to what I should get). Wait. 15 hours of writing. 15 hours of reading. 21 hours of naps. Yeah.

No, wait. I don't watch AI so I'd have to give up watching Iron Chef or something like that. Uhm, hmm. What were we talking about?

dcrelief said...

Love your blog! I droped AI last year. I'm vastly improve, following the advis of Simon sez, "Get a life." Split my time between acrylc painting, writing, power naps,and nature trail walks.
Well done, 'dawg'!! ~and thanks for your recent comment on my blog. ~dcrelief

Linda Rader said...

Your writing is fresh and fun. I like following your blog. Fifty one hours is a tantilizing idea to think about. Hmmmmmmmmm