Sunday, August 15, 2010

Tickle My Stats: The Spank Edition

Lets try an analogy:

Statcounter tidbits : The Vortex as

a.) Sharon : Ozzy
b.) sprinkles : donut
c.) Bill Haverchuck : Freaks and Geeks
d.) red pen of death : my novel-in-progress

Answer: I have no idea. But this is only the second edition of Tickle My Stats, so I'm going with c. Bill is, by far, my favorite character on F&G and most likely to be able to explain why people come to me for help with things such as "birth control titanic" and "bat guano in eyeliner." Without further SAT questions, I present

Tickle My Stats, The Spank Edition

You'll notice there's no active link here. I'm afraid. I'm very afraid. That someone Googled this instead of entering it into their browser's address suggests genius. That someone thought the Vortex could bring this kind of search to fruition suggests an unhealthy perception of today's romance novels. Or a desire to learn the correct use of hyphens. Follow those bread crumbs at your own risk, people.

"dying embers of fire"
Since I rarely post excerpts and know I wouldn't have strung these words together without a citation from the cliche police, I'm guessing this internet searcher sniffed out the sidestream of a rejection letter post in much the same way I inhaled casino exhaust this past weekend.

"What is the connotation of brilliant"
In this context? Spot on. Kidding, of course.

"perfect cooter"
I feel qualified to address this because The Dukes of Hazard resides in my kingdom of ten-year-old awesome and I have a special affinity for greasy mechanics. Maybe this searcher should have tried Nothing but Ben Jones here. Hey, check out this week's specials at Cooter's Place. Who knew the inventory would pop weekly? (original post)

"jeff beck child"

This comes from the marriage of Julia Child and Jeff Beck in the same post title. Let us suppose what this love child would be, shall we? One thing's for sure: there would be some serious cooking of strings and stews. (original post)

"temporal massage"
Is that offered here? Hot and damn, sign me up. (original post)

"mandora by midnight"
I had to google this myself to figure out what it is. Turns out, it's a cleverly-veiled Australian fantasy thread running through my posts that even I didn't know about. Thunda from Down Unda? You bet.

"novel litterature structure plot subplot payoff irony screenplay dvd games"
One for economy, are you? This is the google search equivalent of spackle thrown at a lit-ttttt-erary wall. Did any writerly advice stick? Nah. But I'm sure he found some smokin' hot dvd suggestions. Hope he didn't gag on all the time travel noir.

Most Downloaded Photo: (27 times) Dimebag Darrell figurine. (original post)

Most Bizarre "Came From" Page: French and Belgian boats. Toast and Waffles, yes. Boats? Not so much.

Most Exited Link: my still homeless Meez. She lives in a clock. What do you want?

And here I thought the most popular Vortex item would be the links to Fabio's soundtrack of laaaahve. What do I know? I just write the stuff.
Happy Monday, everyone!


Pamela Cayne said...

Wow--I feel so inadequate in my humble "suit up" searches on my blog. At least on the old one I had "evil Easter Bunny" but alas, no more.

And I'm with you on the Dukes pf Hazard Cooter. Not saying he's perfect, but, you know.

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm arching an eyebrow. You just can't see it.